Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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