Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
