i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
