he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
