guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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