Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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