Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
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working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize