I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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