Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Someone shit on the floor
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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