Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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