So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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