You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
