It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
