It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
