this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
