Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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