you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
