I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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