If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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