Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
