lets start a swedish sibling band together
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
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You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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