dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
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it's like iHOP with fire
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Semen is not good for contacts.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
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It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
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