Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
