yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
