yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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