Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
