My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
