I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
