My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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