Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
