I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I need a beard to bite.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
