oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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