im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I think I just sharted jello shots
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