dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize