did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
