We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
