Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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