I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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