What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
