There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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