I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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