Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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