He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
