i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
it's like iHOP with fire
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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