break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
