On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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