I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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