The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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