What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
