Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
