well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
