"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.