Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?