First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
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He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
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Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.