apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.