He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
