i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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