i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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