i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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