I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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