Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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