Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
