i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
