if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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