the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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