the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Randomize
