im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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